Unconditional Love

Sunday, July 15, 2007
The fleeting thought of loosing my mother is indescribable. I couldn't go through it alone for sure. It's odd when people you love die. You remember everything about them. Their scent, their laugh, their smile, their memories, their touch. Your memories flood your brain because you secretly have an instantaneous fear of forgetting them like they just disappear. So you retaliate, you break down, you promise yourself and others that you'll drive safe but in reality, you'll never have that person back. It's selfish isn't it? The weight of guilt I felt when I entered the room where she lay was indescribable. One million thoughts were running through my head but the only one I kept repeating over and over again was I'm so sorry. Everybody has fights as friends where they might not talk to each other for a certain period of time, this one was drastic, the supposed "end to our friendship". How selfish was I that death had to inervene? When I hugged her I did not feel anything. I couldn't remember why we weren't talking in the first place and for one moment in time, I felt relieved. I missed her. These moments are when you need the people you love around you unconditionally and unyeilding to the past. You need good hugs, you need to cry and talk about it. You need to let it out and you need support. You become weak when there's a hole in your heart. Death doesn 't happen to people you're close to on a regular basis, if it does I'm so sorry. There are exceptions in life. There are no exceptions for anger or grudges and stupid disagreements. There is no room for anything but unconditional love and forgiveness. I am doing what's right. What my heart feels and nothing will change my mind. I loved her so much and I love their family too.