My Jesus coming home soon.

I eased myself into the blue plastic chair next to the picnic table. The sun was shining so bright that the shade was blinding. The guys from work all sitting at the table across from me, silent, avoiding eye contact and giggling here and there. Typical when I entered the room. I felt like I was the topic of conversation. They'd shake their heads at me all the time, make me feel dumb and act as if I was just the student, the pushover, the dumbass. Sometimes making me not want to get out of bed.
Another day at work, sitting here waiting for my break to be over, the day, the whole experience. Being stuck down here in this strange, fast paced environment was so different than being home and free. "Heidi just asked the most stupid..." or "Heidi burnt the.." or "Heidi is so fat she could live at seaworld and still no one would visit her tank." I'd heard around the corners or through the doorway when I walked into the room. Assholes, 100* weather, and dripping sweat was not a comfortable situation. I didn't want to give them anything more to say so I got up and moved myself to anoher area, the other picnic table under the shade where two of the female dishwashers had been eating lunch. I pulled out my Marlboro 100's, my purple "Flick my Bick" lighter and sat.
I hated smoking, the smell the taste, the idea, the problems. But somehow I had managed to become addicted. If I had known years ago what it would be like to crave a cigarette so bad you smash a plate in the dishroom I would have never started. I still wish I didn't. I was down to 3-5 cigarettes a day because I worked so much but the stain and single needy feeling they left in my mouth was unbearable sometimes. The inhale after eating was like dessert. It was ritual and customary, something to pass time, to fidget with to even embrace.
As I reached up to light my cigarette I felt a faint, gentle touch on my hand, I looked down at her dark skin on mine, then up to her face, smiling and squinting at me. The older black women of the two I had been sitting with. What kind eyes, and wise but she couldn't speak English so I thought. She said with a beam on her face like she believed it would work;
"I pray you child. You stop. God bless you child.No good the cigarettes." she said in a soft barely heard tone. I winced at how stupid I was for being so inconsiderate. I was surprised she knew English all of a sudden.They were trying to eat lunch, enjoying the fresh air and here I was being rude and about to light up. If there was anything I hated more than the smell was inconsiderate smokers blowing smoke into your face and everywhere, stubborn and unchanged, old fashioned attitude if you ask me. I was surprised I had been sitting here just the same. Not looking at the world around me.I told God I'd quit when he sent me a message. When I knew he cared.
I put the lighter down, stuck the cigarette back into the pack and apologized again and again.They stood and gathered their belongings, the older one making her peace with the day, feeling as if she had done a good deed and nodded at me, heading towards the door to the tall building. I looked down at the pack, and felt a hand on my back, I looked up to see the younger woman leaning down to me. She whispered in my ear;
"No, go, you smoke. But remember my friend, my Jesus coming soon." and she smiled, looked me straight in the eyes, laughed and walked away, into the building. As I sat there and examined the pack of 13 perfectly rolled cigarettes, 7 I had smoked already, I thought to myself that was seven times I've sinned.
I stood, opened the door, walked to the nearest trash barrel and threw them away. It frightened me to be holding them, to think God knew, he cared because that was certainly a message.I put the lighter in my pocket, thinking that it might come in handy for other stuff someday. I sat in the booth next to the window and stared at the TV in the breakroom for ten minutes without thinking anything but "My Jesus coming soon" and the more I went over it in my head, the more I said it, the brigher my smile grew, like the older woman's, gleaming across my face like a kid.
It's been four days and things have already started to change in my life. I put those guys in their place and admitted to myself I needed to prove myself, to step up. Who were they after all? A bunch of grown men still flipping burgers and talking about sex like they were 15? God works in mysterious ways and sometimes we just don't see it but I deffinately know I wake up thankful everyday, replenished and ready to go. Maybe in my travels through time and everything I'll ever experience I'll tell someone else like they did for me and they'll throw away what's left and let go.
My Jesus coming home soon and I be ready.