So I've made a big decision. I'm moving south. I haven't told many people yet.
Not sure if I will.
I have an urge in my soul to feel free. To feel the wind in my hair all year and
the sun's warming hug.
Maybe I'll actually amount to something you expected, maybe I won't.
Perhaps just maybe I'll be what I wanted.
just for a moment
everything i treasured was gone
just for a moment
i faced my life alone
oh how i love you
just for a moment
the world was full of pain
just for a moment
my luck had finally run out
oh how i love you
the same thing that blew us together
might blow us apart
so keep a piece of me precious
and close to your heart
just for a moment
all of my nightmares came true
just for a moment
my heart was broken in two
oh how i need you
oh how i'd miss you
oh how i love you
I've sat for two years, two very long, hard, painful and reckless years
scrutinizing, fearing and regretting all that I am. I've called it my
reflective stage in life. "I've learned from all my mistakes."
I've sat and wondered on the edge of my seat when this little brush fire will grow.
When will I fly and soar? When will I be free?
I'm not a perfect person
There’s many things I wish I didn’t do
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know
To change who I use to be
A reason to start over new
And the reason is you
Did you ever have a day
when it all just came apart?
You thought that this will be the end
I've pulled into the same, wretched, awful, crumbling driveway for years now, dreaming,
seeking, searching, wishing, hoping, fleeing and panicking on when I'll actually
just keep driving one day.
and you still won't hear me.
going under.
Don't want your hand this time,
I'll save myself,
maybe I'll wake up for once.
not tormented daily defeated by you.
just when i thought I reached the bottom.
Did it ever hurt so bad
So vicious, cruel, or sad
You thought that nothing good could come
I see the same four building, quadru-plex, fucked up welfare, drug haven little world covered in snow most of the time and all it's little ticky tacky people and wacky adventures.
Im dying again
I'm going under,
drowning in you,
I'm falling forever,
I've got to break through,
I'm going under
Yeah, take my hand and come with me
Into this crystal village
And see the lights so fried in brightness
Cos you will never have the time
I would love to change your mind
You were there
And it was good in the beginning
Take my hand, come with me
I see the lights so brightly
And we fall as if we never really mattered
Cos you will never have the time
I would love to change your mind
It was there
And it was good in the beginning
We were there
It was good in the beginning.
I want to live somewhere that if I feel like going camping in December I can. So I can lay on my back in my cocoon of benevolence and examine the skies beauty and magical shine and not have any regrets or pressure about responsibility. So I may be able to walk for miles while I think and feel the wind rush up my back and hear my feet pitter on the pavement.
That's just the way my story goes
Under the sorrow where the blossom grows
There is a darkness
They never show to me
Yeah, I had it pretty good
Growing up late as I could
I was still running around
Then the lightning struck me down
Hit this lonely apple tree down
Now I've been learning as I go
I want to see
I've sat for years like I've said and analyzed every single fucking move I've made.
All my bad decisions, all my inhibitions, all my weaknesses, all my failures, all my flaws and insecurities and all the times I've let you down. I've pushed myself to be the perfect citizen. So what if I want to smoke a joint once in a while? SO what if I like cold Budweiser? So what if I don't want to work in a big metal box building full of ticky tacky people. So what if I don't want to conform to normal? So what if I don't have a bed skirt in my bedroom? So what if my blinds are all different colors? SO what if I'm sexually active? So what if I like my eggs over easy? So what if I'm not married. So what if I am aware that it's not my fault or responsibility you are so sick and lonely.
I'm going under,
drowning in you,
I'm falling forever,
I've got to break through,
I'm going under[going under]
going under [drowning in you]
I'm going under
I'm only 21 and it's not right for me to die with you. So what if I want to be independent? So what if I hit a fucking snowbank. So what if I suck? I already know that. So what if I'm an ex-druggie. I'm clean now. So what if I'm not Kelli? So what if I'm not what you expected?
And all the pain I put you through
I wish that I could take it all away
And be the one who catches all your tears
That’s why I need you to hear
I came to an epiphany and I've never felt better.
:)After all my self reflecting, all my agony and thinking I've lost you all because of something I did. After placing myself under a magnifying glass wondering what turned you all off, I realized that maybe, it was just life and it's random course.
I grew up and noted it really didn't matter what you thought or if I lost any of you because of the fluxuations in my life then I didn't have you in the first place.
I stood at the door and banged my wrists until they bled for your attention.
I cried one million tears over how much has changed and tried to be optimistic and hang on to the memories each of us have shared.
I'm leaving this place and my pain on your doorstep and I'm not looking back.
That's just the way my story goes
Under the sorrow where the blossom grows
There is a darkness
They never show to me
I've tumbled down into a whirlwind of all the things I haven't done for you.
That I can never and will never be good enough.
All I've established, in each example of fine literature, politics and publicity when someone was a hero to look up to, was that they made it happen. They did. Not anyone else. It wasn't luck. Things happen, some tragic, some life shaking, some earth shattering, some simple, and some so complicated they'll never really get it. But they took the initiative to make it happen. No one is in the right place at the right time, sometimes the wrong.
Thelma and Louise made history. They just up and left and went on a trip and didn't matter the outcome. They didn't know what would happen in the future but they weren't scared of it either and they stuck together, loyally and truthfully.
The Goonies kept going even when their fate was tested. They had a drive and a passion, something called One Eyed Willie if you should ask. Never let the ship sink.
ET made it home.
Three words: Martin Luther King
Titanic, they loved despite of society and the future, they lived together in the moment and died together.
Weeds, she accepted her decisions and what she really is. She owned it and made it work. She let go and greived better than anyone of us could because she got up and made it exciting, instead of dying with the lost.
Jesus beleived in love and people hated him enough to kill him.Oprah came from nothing and became the biggest something there is.
Everyone has their fifteen minutes of fame. Some last a lifetime.
1922: Photography : First mass production photo machine:Arthur C. Pillsbury
1923: Television Electronic: Philo Farnsworth
Alexander Graham Bell- The Telephone
Nicola Tesla- AC power
Albert Einstein-Atomic Bomb (Not as wonderful as we thought) Many people have believed he failed math and classes as a kid. He laughed in spite of opposition and that's what I intend to do.
Alas, Einstein’s childhood offers history many savory ironies, but this is not one of them. In 1935, a rabbi in Princeton showed him a clipping of the Ripley’s column with the headline “Greatest living mathematician failed in mathematics.” Einstein laughed. “I never failed in mathematics,” he replied, correctly. “Before I was fifteen I had mastered differential and integral calculus.” In primary school, he was at the top of his class and “far above the school requirements” in math. By age 12, his sister recalled, “he already had a predilection for solving complicated problems in applied arithmetic,” and he decided to see if he could jump ahead by learning geometry and algebra on his own. His parents bought him the textbooks in advance so that he could master them over summer vacation. Not only did he learn the proofs in the books, he also tackled the new theories by trying to prove them on his own. He even came up on his own with a way to prove the Pythagorean theory. http://www.time.com/time/2007/einstein/3.html
1870: Mobile Gasoline Engine, Automobile: Siegfried Marcus
1876: Carpet sweeper: Melville Bissell
1886: Gasoline engine: Gottlieb Daimler
1928: sliced bread: Otto Frederick Rohwedder
1928: Antibiotics: Alexander Fleming
1946: microwave oven: Percy Spencer
1952: hovercraft: Christopher Cockerell
1955: Velcro: George de Mestral
1971: E-mail: Ray Tomlinson
1974: Heimlich Maneuever: Henry Heimlich
1979: the Walkman: Akio Morita, Masaru Ibuka, Kozo Ohsone
1979: the cellular telephone (first commercially fielded version, NTT)
1985: DNA fingerprinting: Alec Jeffreys
1989: the World Wide Web: Tim Berners-Lee
Change will not come if we wait for some other person or some other time. We are the ones we've been waiting for. We are the change that we seek.
Barack Obama First African American President 2009
Lincoln was too tall and hairy but he still strived to become president, with amazing values and hard work only to be shot at a young age. Once again making the best of time and what we are given even though a lot of people opposed his new ideas.
Roosevelt stood up one day to declare a state of war with the empire of Japan. He is the only president who was elected and chosen to serve more than the standard, mandatory two terms in office. He had Polio and accomplished numerous things that many healthy, normal, physically active people will never acheive because they don't belive in themselves.
Georgie O'Keefe was rediculed and judged because of her sexual connotations in her paintings. She kept painting beautiful art from her soul and let her sexuality be her guide. She's my hero for that. Without art, we would all be empty shells roaming the earth and waiting for color to fade.
Many people through history, thousands of years, millions of different artists creating and ripping raw human emotion with one fleeting flick of a brush, camera, anguish, happiness, emotion, peice of themselves in every single bit of art that they have produced has been ridiculed, criticized, objected at some point and often unusually seen as outkast. As famous as Micheal Angelo and Picasso, and as simple as the setting sun, these people have captured the essence of love, lust, trust, creation, benevolence, and that special little redeeming glow. I'm not the only one who thinks it's art. -I stole this from another one of my blogs called "Art".
Elf made it to the real world.
Whitney Houston lost herself in the world of drugs and bounced back to sanity.
Mary J.Blidge screamed no more drama and meant it.
Christina Aguilera developed a reputation and made good with God all by herself and established she's still dirty but it's OK because she's made peace with exactly who she is. She's amazing and humble despite of fame.
Britney lost her kids, her husband and her record label and had court dates to prove what kind of human she was because people blasted her on TV and in magazines. She turned her next album into a circus to make a statement which was amazing and outstanding will power to not conform to all you freaks of judgement throwing. She's now the ringleader.
Helen Keller loved without any of the senses we use to define what we think it is and she lived despite of fear from the unknown.James St. James was the first original drag queen in the 20th century. Quite fucked up as it might seem, he owned who he was irrelevant to the surroundings we are presented with. He is truly the definition of fame and glam.
Everywhere we look, irrelevant to what example, genre, backrounds, stipulations, common popularity or statistical opinions, people all over that have caused great controversy and example have not only stood up for what they believed in, acted on their passions and made the best of what they had or didn't, but they accepted, cherished and loved who they are and the decisions they've made they embraced as a story to be told, not a never ending fail.
I might not make history. I might not ever be as rich as Oprah or as famous as James St. James or Einstein but I am going to keep driving and make something of myself for once in my life and embrace really, who I am and my ability to just be me. I will rise in spite of opposition. I will stand in dispute for my beliefs. I will stick up for myself and be proud of the woman I am. I will survive even if my coasters in my apartment aren't all the same colors. I probably won't have any coasters at all now that I think of it.
Don't try to fix me. I'm not broken. I'm impulsive and wreckless, but not dangerous.
I'm going to live with no regrets. I'm not holding back. I'm not going to wake up at 50 one day and think to myself, jeese, I should've traveled. I should've done something more. I should've given myself more credit. I should've been this or should've done that. I should've gone on adventures and tried to make a change. I should've lived.
Please forgive me
If I act alittle strange
For I know not what I do.
Feels like lightning running through my veins
Everytime I look at you
Everytime I look at you
Help me out here
All my words are falling short
And theres so much I want to say
Want to tell you just how good it feels
When you look at me that way
When you look at me that way
I can taste the freedom and release of my soul.
I can see my wings loosing feathers to fly.
I can feel my nerve depleting knowing I’m leaving you here
Like this but for the first time I know it’s not all my fault.
I’ve held on as long as I could.
I’ve kept my sanity as much as I should.
I need you to understand I’m not running away.
I’m running to my serendipity, my peace, my calm, my sense of self, my freedom,
My own opinion, a place to call my own.
If you know my heart truly, you will be happy for me and proud that I've actually done it.
You'll also know I am always with you and when you read a book under the shade of a tree,
or listen to Janis at 3 a.m., or rock out to Tom Petty in the middle of Wal-Mart, or look up at the crisp winter sky and see all it's glory and breathe in the icy cold for just one more cigarette,
or pee your pants laughing at something stupid, or listen to the wind rushing by on a hot summer day, you'll know I'm there and with you.
I'm not dead. I'm alive for the first time and only a road trip or phone call away and I love you.
Throw a stone and watch the ripples flow
Moving out across the bay
Like a stone I fall into your eyes
Deep into some mystery
Deep into that mystery
I got half a mind to scream out loud
I got half a mind to die
So I wont ever have to lose you girl
Wont ever have to say goodbye
I wont ever have to lie
Wont ever have to say goodbye
Yeah na na na na
Yeah na na na na
Please forgive me
If I act alittle strange
For I know not what I do
Its like my head is filled with lightning girl
Everytime I look at you
Everytime I look at you
Everytime I look at you
Everytime I look at you
Just don't lie to your heart
This will be the hardest part
But lying on the surface
Everybody's got a dark place
They hold on to
They all go to
Just don't lie to your heart
This will be the hardest part
But lying on the surface
Everybody's got a dark place
They hold on to
Just don't lie to your heart
This will be the hardest part
But lying on the surface
Everybody's got a dark place
They hold on to
They hold on to
We're learning as we go
We're learning as we go
We're learning as we go
We are just learning as we go
We are just learning as we go
We are just learning as we go
We are just learning as we go
Leaving home in a sense involves a kind of second birth in which we give birth to ourselves.
Robert Neelly Bellah
It's interesting to leave a place, interesting even to think about it. Leaving reminds us of what we can part with and what we can't, then offers us something new to look forward to, to dream about.
Richard Ford
Life loves the liver of it.
Maya Angelou
If you're walking down the right path and you're willing to keep walking, eventually you'll make progress.
Barack Obama
Always fall in with what you're asked to accept. Take what is given, and make it over your way. My aim in life has always been to hold my own with whatever's going. Not against: with.
Robert Frost
And were an epitaph to be my story I'd have a short one ready for my own. I would have written of me on my stone: I had a lover's quarrel with the world.
Robert Frost
A certain recluse, I know not who, once said that no bonds attached him to this life, and the only thing he would regret leaving was the sky.
Kenko Yoshida
When our vices leave us, we like to imagine it is we who are leaving them.
Francis de La Rochefoucauld
Besides the noble art of getting things done, there is the noble art of leaving things undone. The wisdom of life consists in the elimination of non-essentials.
Lin Yutang
A man builds a house in England with the expectation of living in it and leaving it to his children; we shed our houses in America as easily as a snail does his shell.
Harriet Beecher Stowe
Lyrics from songs by;
Leona Naess
David Gray
Aqualung
Pete Yorn
Hoobastank
Evanescence
One quote from Weeds.
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