Worry Tracked Carpets

I'm electrified with uncertainty and lost in a shadow of doubt

It's confusing games circle me, leaving me without

Cement fills my ambition as I sit, withering on the couch

Scrolling through the websites I've already checked out

The dishes I've washed three times in one day

and the laundry I folded late and on the floor they lay

The TV bores me and suffocates my mind

makes me wish I was someone else from another time

I wipe the same spot on the coffee table again

I vacuum the floors and roar from within

I try to listen to music and all I hear is hollow knocking

and the sun asks me to come and play, I sit, gently rocking

Time passes and I fall asleep, deep down into a dream

where I am alive and everything is perfect as it seems

I wander the worry tracked carpet, waiting for him to come home

so I have a purpose, I have no where else to roam

I think for a minute maybe I'll take the bus and go somewhere far

then I sit some more, the loneliness hitting me hard

I make dinner when he gets here and I glow with deceit

I'm not happy inside but I pretend to keep things neat

He worries anyway that all I do is sleep

I can't explain what it feels like to wish I were the sheets

I lay down for bed hollow and try to rest my mind

all I hear is the ticking away of time

I wake up the next day and try all over again to make it out the door

make it farther, push myself, try harder to go farther than before

Maybe I'll walk to the store on the corner or actually take the bus downtown

but instead I pace, tracing the same worry tracked steps round and round

The TV calls to my attention, tells me to turn it on, pleading for me to loose myself in it's light

I push the button, I sit and rock, I pace the floor and wait for night

I wash that dish, I hang up those clothes and I sit

waiting for another day where I fake it

Waiting for the sun to come that I never see

and the crisp, silent, ringing sound of nothing calling me

Love and all it's glory, all it's pain

the supposed sunshine after the rain

isn't enough to fix me inside

make these awful fears and thoughts hide

It doesn't hide my loneliness and the simple fact I miss my friends

it doesn't make my phone ring with a pleasant voice on the other end

It doesn't make it exciting to find anything in the mail addressed to me

it doesn't kill the pang in my heart that I chose this life for me