Little Thoughts Scribbled On Bar Napkins Travel Far And Wide: With The Wind

The illusions of what you may think people are change with the wind when you bare true to yourself. Sometimes resulting positively, it's a process of elimination or the definition of true friends. You find out sadly that it may have been simple convenience leaving you feeling guilty for allowing yourself to be so kind. I decided to go where the wind was taking me, to feel the sun on my face more than two months out of the year and to recollect myself, maybe even start over new. I find it odd how unsure I am of the sacrifice it took inside to listen to my own heart, opposing what everyone needed, thought or wanted. I've come to a conclusion that no matter how many times I try to explain my endeavors and the weight on my heart to fly, people will think what they want and hear only selectively what they can't understand. They lure me with guilt instead of those rare and true who have excitement and know that no matter where I go, I'm always with them and only a phone call away. It's hard to face, but I'm glad I'm learning those who are truly happy for me. I'd rather have few good friends than have many that don't believe in me or know my heart. The sacrifice of leaving and giving up that comfort of many friends is nearly as heavily outweighed on my heart as deciding whether it is right I do for myself for the first time. Part of me is sad and wishes I could bury my heart's dreams for those who supposedly love me and go back to when it was simple for them to use me but that's the wonderful realization I've come to. I'm proud that I've done something and taken time to listen to myself and what I needed. I'm proud that even if I feel alone, I'm real. In order to build new things anyone knows you have to make room for them by destroying the old.

This is my journey and my new beginning and no one can take that away from me, even with their smug neglegence to answer when I call or write.

And momma, stop telling me how much you need me. It would be nice if you were genuinely excited and happy for me. I've accomplished more in the past three months here than I ever did there in years and I'm trying to make you proud, not hurt.

I didn't leave for any other reason than ones inside myself to go and experience life differently because I am young and free to change.