MY deepest apology friends

I'm sorry you feel that way. I will always love you.
We could be balancing heavy hearts on opposite zipcodesand have different lives yet still, you are part of me and I love you genuinely. You haven't considered I haven't talked to anyone much.It's not just you I shut out. I lost myself too and I'm just trying to get it back together. I'm very sorry that you feel like that.
There will come times when we both are busy busy with life and months or years may fly byon the wing of "the future". We might only get a few phone calls in or weekends away and suddenly when we really settle down at 50 or so, we'll look back and those seldom moments which were wonderful memories. I don't plan on dis-continuing our friendship.
My license is suspended and I don't lie about your messages? I'm not sure what you mean but get a side kick. Try it out. You'll see. I get text messages really late and voicemails two days later sometimes. My web browser only works when I go to myspace and google and the track ball sticks sometimes and calls 911.You should know my heart. Please don't feel like I am leaving you and never coming home or never talkign to you or getting together. I will live for those moments and cherish them.I'm sorry I haven't been more available to you and I know that. I have been going through a lot that is inaudible and indescribable. When you moved to Maine for your own reasons I remember just thinking how proud I really was of you because I wouldn't know to have the strength you've had. You just kept going even though you were secretly falling apart and I admired you for that. You have flourished into a wonderful mother and a beautiful woman.
When the sky suddenly begins to fall and your world crashes around you, stop and breathe.Gather the peices of yourself and your dignity for you may be the world to someone else.
Love is a verb and I can not love everyone else until I love me. I've got a little soul searching to do. I totally lost myself somewhere along the way but I haven't even had the chance to begin to tell you. I understand you are hurt so it will be a while until we speak again but no matter how much time passes, my respect for you will never change.
Patience-an ability or willingness to suppress restlessness or annoyance when confronted with delay: to have patience with a slow learner.
Unconditional-not limited by conditions; absolute: an unconditional promise.
Understanding-characterized by understanding; prompted by, based on, or demonstrating comprehension, intelligence, discernment, empathy, or the like: an understanding attitude
Time-a period considered with reference to its events or prevailing conditions, tendencies, ideas, etc.
Expectation-the degree of probability that something will occur: There is little expectation that he will come.
Apologize-To make an apology or excuse; to make acknowledgment of some fault or offense, with expression of regret for it, by way of amends; -- with for;
Forgiveness-1. compassionate feelings that support a willingness to forgive
2. the act of excusing a mistake or offense
If thou, Lord, shouldest mark iniquities, O Lord, who shall stand? But there is forgiveness with thee, that thou mayest be feared.
Love-a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection, as for a parent, child, or friend.2. Love, affection, devotion all mean a deep and enduring emotional regard, usually for another person. Love may apply to various kinds of regard: the charity of the Creator, reverent adoration toward God or toward a person, the relation of parent and child, the regard of friends for each other, romantic feelings for another person, etc. Affection is a fondness for others that is enduring and tender, but calm. Devotion is an intense love and steadfast, enduring loyalty to a person; it may also imply consecration to a cause.

Ballerina

Well momma told me
when I was young
Said sit beside me
my only son
and listen closely
to what I say
and if you do this
it'll help you some sunny day
ah yah

Oh take your time
Don't live too fast
Troubles will come
and they will pass

You'll find a woman
and you'll find love
and don't forget that
there is a someone up above
and be a simple kind of man
Oh be something you love
and understand
baby be a simple kind of man
Oh won't you do this for me son
if you can

Forget your lost
in richmans gold
all that you need now
is in your soul
and you can do this
oh baby
if you try
all that I want from you my son
is to be satisfied
and be a simpe kind of man
be something you love
and understand
so baby be a simple
kind of man
be something you love
and understand

Ohh Yeaaahh
Oh don't you worry
you'll find yourself
follow your heart
and nothin else
and you can do this
oh baby
if you try
all that I want from you
my son
is to be satisfied
and be a simple
kind of man
oh be something you love
and understand
oh baby be a simple
kind of man
oh won't you do this
for me son
if you can
baby be a simple
kind of man
be a simple man
be something
you love and understand

Be a simple kind of man- Lynyrd Skynyrd


I'm not a man but if I could choose what my mother would say to me
about life it would be this. To be simple means not complicated, free of
deceit or guile, common or ordinary, unaffected, unassuming, modest,
humble, not complex, not divided into parts (whole) and being without
additions or modifications.
To enjoy the simple and pure things of this earth such as love and
time.
I don't think I'll ever have the relationship with my mother that
"I want" and I've concluded, that's ok.
I've been going through a maze, very confused like trying to
untangle a knot. I can't figure out why I'm constantly
disappointing her or never getting along.
I think about my relationships in general and I have to admit,
I expect too much of them. Having expectations complicates
things when they're not met and you feel let down all because
of something you thought existed.
I love my mom, a lot. I think about her and worry about her
well being all the time. I wonder how much she'll take of me
and my age. I wonder how I'm ever going to say thanks quite
enough for all that she's given me. She has instilled values that
I could not have if I were somewhere else. I'm grateful for that.
Instead of focusing on what I don't have out of people,
I need to focus on what I do because that is the divine art
and sophistication of human capabilites within a
relationship, love. I need to fully accept I can not and
will never be able to change anyone, only myself
and my own reactions to things and situations.
I'm in control of my opinions, my emotions, my reactions,
my actions and my integrity. I will continually have to remind
myself that even though it seems easy for me to say to them
what I need, or even if it's easy for me to point out what they need,
they won't really learn that little thing about life until they
need it for themselves.
I've never felt more clear and excited about the conscious and
ehilerating decisions I've been making in my life including with
my relationships. Not just ones with those I love, but people
in general. I need to maintan and balance a well efforted
attempt to treat everyone around me with pleasantry and kindness.
I've been cold and harboring a lot of mental and physical pains.
I've been anything but simple and I am astonished I have
thought it was everyone but me's fault.
If the sky is falling and nothing goes right and suddenly your world
begins to crash and fall around you, stop, breathe and
gather the peices of yourself and your dignity because you may be
the world to someone else.
Sometimes the weight and pressure of life can make us all react
vehemently and just maybe sometimes we say or do things to
the people around us, especially those we love or feel closest to,
when we are really lashing out at the possibility we've lost ourselves
in the midst. We need help and won't admit it. Our inability to let
anyone in is what makes us so much more special than any other
creature on this planet. The moment we decide to let these people
into our weird little worlds knowing that if it crashes it's not only
affecting ourselves, but them too, really is worth the fight. It's also
beyond what our normal senses are, it's trust and trust you can't put
your finger tips on. Not having physical attention to the mind, not being
able to see whether someone is trustworthy makes you get to know
their souls on a different level. You have to let them in.
Trust, love and hope are not tangible things we can grasp and without
evidence it's hard to beleive it truly exists so keeping people at an arm's
length is more comfortable and less of a painful adventure to take
when you find out there wasn't any trust at all.
I've reclaimed my life and my actions for the first time and I feel
rejuvenated. I'm a young person. I have a lot to learn and to be humbled
about in the ways of realtionships but I'm sure this is a good start.
I don't think there are enough ways to say I'm sorry to those I've
affected. I couldn't possible take back time or thigns I've said.
I can't change what your reaction was either and I'm sorry
for expecting to be anything but you. I appreciate you for who and whatever
you are irrelevant to the struggles we might face as friends,co-workers, siblings,lovers and relatives.

I'll never feel the weight of your hands
Side mine like diamonds
Lay so far ballerina
Cupcake and my earthquake
Wakes me from my sleep bed
Never comes hardly breathing
Waiting for meI didn't really want you
But I want you now
Was so foolish of me
To you feel you tumbling down
Into that empty room
The lights went out
Want to rescue want
to scream out loud
I didn't think I needed you
But I need you now
Was so empty in me
Feel you crashing down
Into the empty world
The music stops
Want to rescue want
to scream out loud
You will always be mine
The room spins
Pull you from me
My body burns
Tell me of the rainbows
The colors that the rain throws
Ballerina dance softly
She knows when to come only
When she's called and slowly
coming to
I didn't really want you
But I need you
Was so foolish of me
To feel you tumbling down
Into that empty room
The lights went out
Want to rescue want
to scream out loud
I didn't think I wanted you
But I want you now
Was so empty in me
Feel you crashing down
Into the empty world
The music stops
Want to rescue want
to scream out loud
You will always be
So so sorry
Just come back to me now
So so sorry
Just come back to me now
I didn't think I wanted you
But I want you now
Was so foolish of me
To feel you tumbling down
Into that empty room
The lights went out
Wanted to rescue want
to scream out loud
I didn't think I needed you
But I need you now
Was so empty in me
Feel you tumbling down
Into that empty room
The lights went out want
to scream out loud
That you will always be mine